I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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