I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
