The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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