If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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