i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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