I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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