Small penises have feelings too.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
