Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
