I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
