i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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