i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
