If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
