I'm gonna have a badass scar
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
