TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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