I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
