Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
