just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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