Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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