i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
