They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
