I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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