Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
