i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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