and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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