Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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