i need an iv and a liver transplant
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
