I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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