So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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