My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
