just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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