I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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