we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
