some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
