wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
