alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
