Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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