I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
