You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
