I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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