this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
