We named our party play list daddy issues
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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