Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
