Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
