My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
