Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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