Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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