I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
