When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
