So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Less talking, more tequila
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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