no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
