I think im going to throw up on grandma
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
