420 ftw
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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