Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
