Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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