I'm going to jail i love you
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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