absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish you could order shots online.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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